I guess, i did something right.

telling the truth, fucked some shit up,
and i shouldn't have lied.
but, i don't have a cloud over my head,
and i got some sort of forgiveness.
i mean, things are gonna be a little different
but the connection is still there =]
and i'm exstatic about that.
like so happy.
i mean, i've gotta work my ass off for you now
but i guess i'm willing to do that.
i'm done with the past me,
i want you to help create a new me.

if i could take it all
and put it in reverse,
i'd take back the lies that i said,
words i regret,
tears coming down like sweat
face is wet,
heart lies in a state of undetermined
is it over yet?
are we done or are there gonna
be shards of what went wrong?
this is too long i feel so isolated
frozen in a time of where i feel like shit
what's withholding me?
why do i fuck up?
it's the cost of love
i guess.
the stress i put on myself
will bury me, until i look like someone else.
through and through again?
this cycle will never end.
i want you, i love you more than a friend
time that take to heal,
will continue like a car's spinning wheels
not moving though.
in this rotation till she chooses to forgive or cut me out
i'm gonna stand with my head down
a lie i deviesd to keep her,
so scared that i would be alone.
i don't know.
i don't care.
i miss her, i miss her here.
i wish that i could take back
any single doubt,
but even if we repaired it,
it would never be the same
she'll think i'm playing the same game.
lies and deceit aren't apart of me.
just a mistake i keep locked up.
damn she was the only one i wasnted to spend my time
press my luck, be with past when we grew up.
but i guess i fucked up.

Fuck Me I Hate Myself.

Why am i acting so immature and paranoid?
is it i want more attention?
am i just jealous?
is it because i'm lying?
fuck fuck fuck me.

i hate this, i hate myself, i feel like crying again


i love you...

Up Late Yet Again

Damn, I'm exhausted, i didn't do anything today.
Not True

I woke up like 8 times this morning and finally ragged my ass out of bed.
Spent 2 Hours Working On My song Orgasmix.
released the cbg mixtape.
Went to The pool, talked to Roger (The Most Kickass Mtherfucking Italian 60 Year old ever) and Mr.B (Old Friend's Dad)
Came Back and finished orgasmix.
My computer Froze ans erased it.
Almost blew up the computer.
rerecorded the rerecording, it sounds beast
talked to kara all day <3
ate chinese food
watched the dark knight.
wished i would went out.

Listening: Relapse - Eminem, Mozart Season's EP (Too Tired To find The title)

lovelovelove

Alone on A Friday Night.

Pshhh Chyeah, I'm Pathetic Man, I can't stand a week without you, how am i suppossed to stand this whole relationship?

This Week Has been, uneventful, just finished up my mixtape, 14 jkizzle tracks that are demoish and sound kinda nice, i love them because i made them, but i hate them at the same time, y'know?

I need to get fucked up more often, I cut down alot, and i think i'm going through withdrawl, and it suckssss!

Haven't been going out much either, nothing entertains me, i'm so used to what goes on, that i want something, different, something new, i guess.

I find myself listen to more rap, because of the jkizzle project, so i've pulled up a buncha my favorite music, to distract myself from it. Lydia, B182, Dance Gavin, Anthony, Chiodos, Even pulled up Some Hawthorne Heights, getting back in the day when i used to adore them. Fucking Righteous thenew TDWP album and can't wait for Circa's and actually Brokencyde's it's gonna be a fail in the industry's eyes, BUT, who doesn't love to get down everyonce in a while?

i wrote a rap with the title of my blog in it =p

Listening: Lydia, Circa Survive, Death Cab for Cutie, Owl City
Watching: Truman Show
Reading: Need To Go To The Library.

lovelovelove

Wow it's been a while

i haven't been posting, i guess it's because of the lack of excitement in my life,
i wake up, smoke a cigarette, go to school, come home, record, do homework, talk to my gf and go to sleep.
oh yeah, i have a gf.
kara nicole markee <3
haha she came down from flint and spent the weekend with me
saw x-men origins, wolverine it was the shit
fucking will.i.am and ryan reynolds
hahaha it was amazing
haven't been goin out much, unless i can smoke weed, or i hafta get cigarettes.
damn i miss my old life.

ehh it's whatever.

URGH.

Yeah, As I Thought, Fuckit FUCKIT, I'm out of DS too, goddamnit can't i do anything right?
jesus that means i lost that whole group. that WHOLE FUCKING GROUP OF FRIENDS.
urgh..