it's hard as fuck to breathe right now.
but it's getting easier, my bruises are healing
whatever, pens lost again
i miss my babygirlll =/ <3
summer needs to come now.
i made a rap about nature for science =p
hilton head june 28-july 5,
i better see gigi and roy, i miss them
i need cigarettes, i'm gonna get in more trouble tommorrow =p
me and zach need to chill more.
fuck random thoughts hahaha =]
baby i love you<3

Listening: Jkizzle Stuff; Enter Shikari, Shwayze
Watching: Die Hard (YIPPIE CIYAI MOTHAFUCKA)
Reading: Goddamnnnnn I need books.

i love, my girlfriend, hockey - even though we lost, and just today, i'm still a lil banged up, but i'll be iight.

i realized people bitch about things that have already happened, instead of dealing with it and moving on.

fucking wow, i'm just in a shitty mood huh?
not as bad as it's gonna be on sunday, no cigarettes that day
i'm stuck at home, injured, and either way, no one will care enough to fucking brong me cigs.
my gf is stoned as shit, and i mean that's okay, i'm just worried about her because i care, and by the sound of her friends i don't want her to rub off on that life style of smoking everyday, to me smoking is a once in a while thing,
i'm just scared she'll change and not wanna be with me anymore....
my head hurts, my shoulder hurts, my left ribs hurt, my mom is yelling at me about shit, and it makes no sense,
i wanna get out, but i'm scared.

Just.....wow

So i was a lil fucked up last night, and apparently i fell OFF MY FUCKING ROOF =[
i blacked out after that i guess because i woke up in my bed, unknowing what the fuck had happened, feeling sick as shit and half my body hurt. Went to school, called my mom, came home, on the ride home i was enlightened of this incident, not by striaght telling me, but by questioning. I'm really fucking scared right now..

=]]

I Don't Know why I'm so content, i just am =]
seriously i'm the happiest i've been in a while
i have someone i can be with, for a very long time or longer.
and just the fact that she not only loves me, she appriciates me, wants to be with me.
and everything about that.
my grades are doing well, aced 2 finals in a row!
YEAH NIGGUH!
recording and recording =]
making a cover of disturbia by rihanna sounds pretty nice.
jamming out to random music.
yeahhh! i'm just pumped, i need to shower and sleep hahaha

listening: wiz khalifa - flight school; copeland - good morning sunshine; dance gavin dance - happiness; death cab for cuite - plans
watching: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Exhausted, Excited, Eradicated, Epic Randomness?

Exhausted:
had to march today, stayed up late talking to kara<3, and had to wake up 5 hours after, get into the band uniform, drink a monster (didn't help) march a mile in the heat, and go home and do chores until i had to leave.
Excited:
I am finally writing the jkizzle ep, if i can't get the money to record in a studio, i'm downloading sony acid pro and i'mma fuck with that until it sounds right, orgasmix sounds pretty nice right now, i have a nice ass song coming out, hoping my cuz and marc will do it with me.
Eradicated: I smoked At 3:30, and it's almost 9 and i'm still fucked up, i sleep in someone's car, ate 3 reese's cups king size, a full box of pizza, a monster, a 2 liter of mtn dew, a pepsi and some kool aid.
Epic Randomness: I'm gauging my ears out to 9/16's, I want to read more books, i just saw autumn's bf today, alone (ted) and it was so awkward because he thinks i'm trying to get win one of my oldest friends? (hahahahah) i have an amazing, wonderful girlfriend, her name is kara markee, she is all i could ever ask for.

Listening: Relapse - Eminem, 21 Centry Breakdown - Green Day (Fail, nothing New), Happiness - Dance Gavin Dance, Jkizzle Rough Mixes.
Watching: Currently Pirating Eternal Sunshine
Reading: LIBRARY TOMMORROW =D
Loving: Kara Nicole Markee, she's my babygirl, 5.16.09. <3

I guess, i did something right.

telling the truth, fucked some shit up,
and i shouldn't have lied.
but, i don't have a cloud over my head,
and i got some sort of forgiveness.
i mean, things are gonna be a little different
but the connection is still there =]
and i'm exstatic about that.
like so happy.
i mean, i've gotta work my ass off for you now
but i guess i'm willing to do that.
i'm done with the past me,
i want you to help create a new me.

if i could take it all
and put it in reverse,
i'd take back the lies that i said,
words i regret,
tears coming down like sweat
face is wet,
heart lies in a state of undetermined
is it over yet?
are we done or are there gonna
be shards of what went wrong?
this is too long i feel so isolated
frozen in a time of where i feel like shit
what's withholding me?
why do i fuck up?
it's the cost of love
i guess.
the stress i put on myself
will bury me, until i look like someone else.
through and through again?
this cycle will never end.
i want you, i love you more than a friend
time that take to heal,
will continue like a car's spinning wheels
not moving though.
in this rotation till she chooses to forgive or cut me out
i'm gonna stand with my head down
a lie i deviesd to keep her,
so scared that i would be alone.
i don't know.
i don't care.
i miss her, i miss her here.
i wish that i could take back
any single doubt,
but even if we repaired it,
it would never be the same
she'll think i'm playing the same game.
lies and deceit aren't apart of me.
just a mistake i keep locked up.
damn she was the only one i wasnted to spend my time
press my luck, be with past when we grew up.
but i guess i fucked up.

Fuck Me I Hate Myself.

Why am i acting so immature and paranoid?
is it i want more attention?
am i just jealous?
is it because i'm lying?
fuck fuck fuck me.

i hate this, i hate myself, i feel like crying again


i love you...

Up Late Yet Again

Damn, I'm exhausted, i didn't do anything today.
Not True

I woke up like 8 times this morning and finally ragged my ass out of bed.
Spent 2 Hours Working On My song Orgasmix.
released the cbg mixtape.
Went to The pool, talked to Roger (The Most Kickass Mtherfucking Italian 60 Year old ever) and Mr.B (Old Friend's Dad)
Came Back and finished orgasmix.
My computer Froze ans erased it.
Almost blew up the computer.
rerecorded the rerecording, it sounds beast
talked to kara all day <3
ate chinese food
watched the dark knight.
wished i would went out.

Listening: Relapse - Eminem, Mozart Season's EP (Too Tired To find The title)

lovelovelove

Alone on A Friday Night.

Pshhh Chyeah, I'm Pathetic Man, I can't stand a week without you, how am i suppossed to stand this whole relationship?

This Week Has been, uneventful, just finished up my mixtape, 14 jkizzle tracks that are demoish and sound kinda nice, i love them because i made them, but i hate them at the same time, y'know?

I need to get fucked up more often, I cut down alot, and i think i'm going through withdrawl, and it suckssss!

Haven't been going out much either, nothing entertains me, i'm so used to what goes on, that i want something, different, something new, i guess.

I find myself listen to more rap, because of the jkizzle project, so i've pulled up a buncha my favorite music, to distract myself from it. Lydia, B182, Dance Gavin, Anthony, Chiodos, Even pulled up Some Hawthorne Heights, getting back in the day when i used to adore them. Fucking Righteous thenew TDWP album and can't wait for Circa's and actually Brokencyde's it's gonna be a fail in the industry's eyes, BUT, who doesn't love to get down everyonce in a while?

i wrote a rap with the title of my blog in it =p

Listening: Lydia, Circa Survive, Death Cab for Cutie, Owl City
Watching: Truman Show
Reading: Need To Go To The Library.

lovelovelove

Wow it's been a while

i haven't been posting, i guess it's because of the lack of excitement in my life,
i wake up, smoke a cigarette, go to school, come home, record, do homework, talk to my gf and go to sleep.
oh yeah, i have a gf.
kara nicole markee <3
haha she came down from flint and spent the weekend with me
saw x-men origins, wolverine it was the shit
fucking will.i.am and ryan reynolds
hahaha it was amazing
haven't been goin out much, unless i can smoke weed, or i hafta get cigarettes.
damn i miss my old life.

ehh it's whatever.

URGH.

Yeah, As I Thought, Fuckit FUCKIT, I'm out of DS too, goddamnit can't i do anything right?
jesus that means i lost that whole group. that WHOLE FUCKING GROUP OF FRIENDS.
urgh..

Keeping To Myself.

Idk everything seems sooooooooo boring nowadays,
i kinda just keep to myself and not interupt other's lives.
i feel like i'm intruding and i feel out of place.
i need something new.

I feel like, i'm losing it again

I spent the weekend, alone, at my grandparents, getting stoned off my ass,
all i did, was smoke weed, eat, watch nickelodion, or the disney channel or check my myspace.
Also got rejected by my cousin a couple of times, jeez. i feel like everyone is growing away from me, i got ripped by a good friend on a weed hookup. which absoultely pissed me off, and i think someone stole my black rims yesterday. Urgh, dicks. I'm being constantly, uninvited to things, i think i'm losing chris reed and that crew, ever since the sibling fell through, i've been falling farther behind. I even think i'm out of define sanity. Idk i need a new set of friends, a new experience. BEN GARDNER WE NEED TO CHILL, hahahaha.
Thoughts like these remind me why i stay sober anymore.


OHHHHHHHHH
100% FORGOT,
5 more days till i see kara =]<3
i love you baby =]



Asher Roth - Asleep In The Bread Aisle
Jamie Foxx - Intution
Happiness - Dance Gavin Dance
Working on Orgamsix EP - Jkizzle

Just Because, You Move Your Lips, Doesn't Mean That You Exist.

Beat Up As All Hell.

Okay So The Concert Last Night Was In Face, Epic As All Hell.
Attack Attack! and I See Stars were unavailable because AA!'s drummer has swine flu and ISS' singer was coughing up blood. (I hope they all get better) But The Sets Were Awesome. I'll Try To Describe DGD's

Alex English
Me and Zoloft Get Along Fine
Shyhook
Tree Village (New Song, But it's Debuted On Their Myspace)
Buffalo
New Song(I Think It Was "I'm Down With Brown Town" I Love Leaks)
Uneasy Hearts Weigh The Most
Rock Solid
The Robot With Human Hair pt.3

Idk Much of A Skylit Drive's but i know they played.

And All It Takes For You Dreams To Come True...
Eva The Carrier
Wires....And The Concept OF Breathing

It Was Insane I'm Not Gonna Lie, Will Swan Really Pulled Out For Me and Perry.
I hung out with Will Swan (FUCKING YES) and Kurt Travis (OMFG FUCKING YES)
Met Coy La Quay, (Fuck Yeah Man, Fuck Yeah) Jag, (Small As FUCK, Huge Hugs) Joey Wilson (Dude I Don't Know You But Let's Drink) and Brian White (He Got Hit With A Fruit Snack lmfao) of A Skylit Drive. I also met Matt Mingus (He Was Obliderated, We;re The Majuana? IN MY LUNGS) and Zac Garren (I almost bitched him out because i didn't know who he was) of Dance Gavin Dance.

It Was Wonderful!!

Then I Spent Today, Wanderng Around My House with my aching neck, back and head, and i recorded a new song with my friend shock d it sounds beast And managed to go all day with 3 cigarettes and 2 rolled ones.

Ben got Me a leak of happiness, by dgd and it's epic as shit.


Happiness - Dance Gavin Dance. (EPIC)
Asleep in the Bread Aisle - Asher Roth (Impressive, I'll Keep My Love For Him)
Tillthewheelsfalloff - Dot Dot Curve :) (Disspaointing)

Don't Tell Me That I'm Ordinary,

Today Was Kinda That Way.
Went To Church, My Brother Got Confirmed, Happy Moment of The Day.
Talked To Ben Alot During Church, Before During and After, Watched Him Skate Around.
Prob Playing With Music With Him Next Week For Some Youth Stuff.
Tryina Hang With Some Different People, I'm Tired Of The Same Ones.
Went Home.
Had A Big Talk With My Mom About Dad, and how he's anit-myfamilyandit'sreligon
Sucked.
Ate At Olive Garden (Chicken Parmesean =])
Went To The Grent's
Checked Out The Jkizzle Page, I've Had Almost 1,000 Plays in One Weekend
Talked To Some Small Time Artists,
Gonna Collab With X X Robots Rawr, Mizz B.I.S. and L3to
Wanting To do My Acoustic Project Terribly (YEAH DANNY AND BEN!!!)
Define Sanity Needs A Band Practice.
I Need Cigarettes
Watched Bedtime Stories (Disney + Adam Sandler)
Talking to Kara<3
About To Release This Week's Playlist =]

Listening: Dance Gavin Dance - Self Titled
Watching: Bed Time Stories
Recording The CBG MIXTTAPE (Screamo/Hip Hop)

It Gets Easier As It Goes

I Woke Up At Like 1:30 Today, Usually I Can Get Myself Up Earlier, but today, fail.
This Grounding Thing, Is Not As Hard As I Thought, But That's because i've been spending my time all on my jkizzle project (myspace.com/jkizzlefoshizzle) and i've busted out, around 12 tracks, and am working on a mixtape, which i have 7 tracks for (planning on 12-15) But I Just Watched an Amazing Movie (Seven Pounds) Check It Out, another wonderful movie.

Nothing Much Has Been Going On, Been A Boring Person.

Where Is My Record Player?

Lmfao Benjamin and his Videos hahaha.
Today was pretty good, not gonna lie,
i'm getting used to staying home and not doing shit.
My Grades Have All Gone Up?
I've Been Writing More Music?
I Recorded Three Jkizzle Songs.
(Yeah I Discarded The Hiatus)
I've Been Expressing Me, Because I Actually Have Time To.
Been talking to old Friends, and Making New Relationships.
It's All Good.

Listening: Nothing Much, I've Been Recording All Afternoon
Watching: About To Watch Seven Punds (Will Smith)