Sleepless, Insomnia?

I realized, that my nightly routines are in a rut, and so are my morning and school, i feel as though i'm trapped in a repeat of a few clips of my life, happening over and over again with little intricate alterations.

I also see that i have major troubles sleeping, and right now i want a cigarette terribly, but i just bought them today and there's no way I'm smoking half my pack when i need to make them last through my grounding.

I miss kara, very much, she gets more amazing everyday and i feel as though i'm falling for her more everytime we talk, It makes me feel like I wanna put my life together so i can be with her.

Had a normal conversation with my mother today? and it wasn't awkward, We talked about my employment (MCDONALDS lmfao) my school, getting a fucking new goddamn motherfucking phone. (Yes it's a very strong conversation) Seeing Kara, and Me watching my sisters when she's gone on vacation with my aunts and my grandma

Listening: Owl City - Maybe I'm Dreaming
Watching: What's Eating Gilbert Grape (Johnny Depp)

Jeez, I think i write in here because i'm bored and stuck at home.
I'm so happy with my schedule next year, i'm taking music theory to further conceive my skills as a musician, and prob some small jazz emsembles, even choir for a bit, yes i'm taking choir hahaha.

I realized, how boring things have got lately, i think it's pre-summer boredom, five more weeks of school? yes fucking righteous, but seriously, nothing fun goes on anymore, and i'm kinda missing out on it, i wanna go do more musical things, and have fun, and make some of my own and get out there, but my current works are fail [jkizzle, allbutyou, The Sibling (got replaced)]Define Sanity Might Start Working Together again we havent had a practice since late feb/early march and I miss chillin with Chris and Regis haha (More Chris lmfao)


Idk, everything's been different since the cruise.

Listening: Mozart Season - Apotheosis and Owl City - Maybe I'm Dreaming.

gotta type this while i remember it.

Tongues Taste Like Nicotine.
My Dream Girl Is Breaking Me.
The Room Reeks Like Alcohol,
Doors Slam Right Down The Hall.

Cigarette Stains, More Like Burns.
My Apartment Is Overturned.
Falling Asleep While My Alarm Goes Off.
Fuck This...

A Reprise? Two Times? This Time, Burn It To The Ground.

Today i Realized how small peoples retrospect of the world is, and how they keep all their focus on themselves and their small clique. Because human nature hates being uncomfortable at any cost, so they find their comfort spot and become oblivious to anything that bothers them, unless it comes right in their face, and then, they freak out. I catch myself slipping into that from time to time, but usually something will mentally click and I'll wake myself up and out of it.

Like For Example: A Twisting Movie to Make You Think or, Natural Scenery that just grasps you, or thoughts that you don't wanna think about.

That Reminds Me, Being Comfortable, Something I Know I Wish I Could Feel, but don't you ever get that feeling when your thinking about how like the universe was created and like, you just start debating things in your head and you feel absolutely small and worthless and scared? Yeah, i hate that.

listening: The Dear Hunter Acts I and II
Watching: Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind (3rd time in 3 days lmfao)

lovelovelove

Another Day, Another Dollar.

Today Was Fast, yet Boring, Nothing Exciting Happened, Usual Day.
Walked in, Conversed, Bullshitted My Way Through a Few Periods, Lunch, 7th period (Naptime - English) Fire Drill, Band, Home.
I became so bored with myself, i think i willed the dreary weather to come.
I haven't had much inspiration musically lately, and that's prob going to change.
Oh, Everyone Needs To Watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, So Amazing.
Wow, my life is getting boring, it's going to be for the next two weeks i guess.
I think i'm going to watch a movie, and laze around, maybe actually do my homework (wow huh?)

lovelovelove

Good Afternoon

Didn't Go To School Today, Had a Nasty-Ass Cough Last Night, kept me up till like 3am.
SO i woke up at 6:45 and the first thing i said to my mom was, i feel like shit.
and passed out till about 11:30 and woke up.
Smoked A Cigarette, Got a Shower.
Got A Chance To Talk To My Friend Chloee from England, because they're ahead a couple of hours. Telling me about how much her school sucks, how different england is, and how unself confident she is.
Also got a chance to organize some of the chaos that is my house.
Goddamn cough, i swear one day i'm going to rip my lungs out.
Ben Got me into some new music,
The Dear Hunter and La Dispute.
and they're are both beastly.
Ate.
Chloee wanted to hear me sing again, so i recorded a capella and it sounds good, so i wanna just start getting some more acoustic guitar and sing to it.

Listening: La Dispute, The Dear Hunter, Alive In Wild Paint.
Reading: Nothing =/
Watching: Mom is Picking me Up Eternal Sunshine on The Spotless Mind =]

Yes We Can? NO you can't.

Wow it is beautiful today, i just came in to make a side note.
83 degrees or so in Pittsburgh PA today and if i wasn't grounded off my ass i would be loving it so much more.
Hey, Friday was pretty great and i thought my groundation would be ten times as worse, but i guess as it hit 1 am sunday morning it got better.
I'll be spending the next two weeks stuck at home, doing nothing, so in fact, i'll be blogging alot hahaha.
But yeah, going back to the sun, peace in the middle east

lovelovelove

yeah...

What the fuck did i do?
seriously i waan know why all this shit is happing to me,
because i'm fucking dumb about shit i guess,
i never realize what consquenses come out of things,
and i'm tired of being judged and ripped apart.
by my family even, i think i'm just gonna keep to myself and not really talk to anyone except a few people for a while.

Since When Are Kanye Shades So Scene?

Hahahaha Title For The Next Song^^^^^^

So there's like nothing going on today at all anymore, no big plans, no big parties, life has got...unexciting. I'm out of cigarettes so i'mma need to take that journey, woohoo, and i hafta deal with my mother when i come home and her bitchiness. Which basically sucks because chris dipped. AGAIN so i'm just like ehhhh in the mood just to be a douche bag.

I Was Looking Through Old Picutres..



11/15/07?
Yeah it was when the old theatre was open.






Nick Kov's Bday? Oct 07
Yeah I Remember This, We All Went To Peter's Skate Park and Thought We were beasts






hahahahaha Feb 08
Chelsy's House, i was playing with the skelephant.






Spring 08?
Me and Monkey on the bus when he actually went to school had a job and lived somewhere productive.






Periods Almost Over, Gotta Go

Lovelovelove

Sitting Here In Computer App.

Another Beginning of Another Day, Yet this Day won't happen again, I can't click repeat like i can on my ipod and listen to the words today, only slight memories of everydays past, because either way, it's all going to fail and we're all gonna fall, good day, bad day, i don't know anymore, i don't classify days anymore i just classify by emotion and experience, who i talk to, how late i stay up, which is a really screwed up sleeping schedule, how much i eat, which strangly isn't much, and therefore when i want to eat i'm starving. I realize, looking over what i typed, it seems i have no major purpose anymore, i don't have a major goal in life, basically i just want to live while i can, before experience what happens after death, and basically since i am a christian i believe that i will go to Heaven, so letsee what heaven is like.

My friends feel more distant everyday, yet some are close-by, I move onto new groups every once in a while and since i came back I haven't been chilling with some of my closest friends, yet i've been with some older ones, I'm so confused by myself, because I don't uderstand me, other people can claim that they do understand themselves, or someone else, but you can't understand me, i don't, i'll tell myself something and do the complete opposite. I'm just crazy hahaha

My Friend Brandon Just Told Me This Looks Like A Suicide Note, lmfao, but It's not, I'm not depressed, I'm just observing my day-to-day life nowadays.

Listening - Ipod on Shuffle.
Random Songs That Have Played By:
Knights - Minus The Bear
About a Girl - The Academy Is...
I Will Possess Your Heart - DCFC
Seven Years - Saosin (ANTHONY GREEN)
Antlion - Dance Gavin Dance

Watching (Well About To Watch Next Period and Finished Last Period)
The Phantom of the Opera - Fucking Awesome
Gettysberg - Pretty Cool.


lovelovelove

I Thought You Read The Tutorial

Intricate Footsteps, Shaking Faster.
Watching My Wake, Avoiding Disasters
Pit In My Stomach Aching Now.
Am I Burning, Inside Out

Do You See Whats Infront of Me?
Vocal Chords Aching Now.
From Screaming Out Loud
These Empty Echos Is My Sound
I Can't Stand To Feel This Way

Are You Straight Shooting At Me, At Me?
Are You Straight Shooting At Me?

I'm So Tired of Sickness Without The Illness
Can't Control Myself At All.
In rage and angst
I'll Take of These Chains
and Throw Them Into THe Wall

Watching My Tracks I Stow Away,
In A Place I Can't Recall Today.
Make Sure You Won't Know Where I Am
When I Sleep Tonite.

Are You Straight Shooting At Me, At Me?
Are You Straight Shooting At Me?

I Can't Take This No More.
I Am on The Floor
The Seizure-Like Syptoms Breaking Me Down
My Mind Is Broken The Pieces Around.

I'm So Tired of Sickness Without The Illness
Can't Control Myself At All.
In rage and angst
I'll Take of These Chains
and Throw Them Into THe Wall

Are You Straight Shooting At Me, At Me?
Are You Straight Shooting At Me?

a cliche written on page two.

that would be something written by danny, whom i may co found a band with him, i would play bass and sing, while he does screaming, we need guitarists and a drummer, but yeah hahaha, new band idea. I watch myself change constantly, like ever since i came back from the cruise, i just walk around hear like everything's new, my grades are rising and i might finally get a fucking job, but other than that nothing much new going on.

listening: Kevin Devine
watching: Dan In Real Life.

I owe you....don't i?

So Seriously, I Need To Stop Realizing Things After I've Lost Myself In them. Like toda, i woke up at noon, realizing they went to church without me, (sorry ben) well it wasn't much waking up i mean, i came home last night on 4 liters of skittles, ate a full box of little ceasars, and watch The Producer. I could hardly sleep even after all the alcohol wore off, and started coughing all night, and finally slept around 4 AM, and then had a restless, hot, coughing sleep, which sucked. I'm pissed I missed copeland last night, so i better make lydia and DGD or i will eat babies, all day long. I also gotta somehow pay back g, for being ever so gracious to me. I wish i was older, it's my age that's holding me back in life.

These Are For Ben

Out Of Tune

I’ve Been Gone For So Long,
I Forgot What It Was Like,
To See These People, Falling.

I Can’t Wait For Long.
I Can’t Wait To Be Gone.

I’m Out of Tune,
I’m Out Of Tune,
I’m Out of Tune With You.

This Static’s Growing Faster,
Fuck Your Happily Ever After.
This Place Ruins Lives,
I’m Tired Of Walking Around Dead Inside.

Yeah I Can’t Hear Out My Ears Anymore.
Open The Door So I Can Get Out.

I Broke Out Running Down The Street,
Running From All that Haunts Me.
I Can’t Stand To Hear Them Scream.
All These Memories Have Left Me
Why Did I Come Back To Hear Them Cry?

Cause All We Want,
Is To Be The Happiest They can Be
Why Did I Leave?
These People I Care About?
Cause I Can’t Stand To See Them Fall.

I Can’t Wait For Long.
I Can’t Wait To Be Gone.

I’m Out of Tune,
I’m Out Of Tune,
I’m Out of Tune With You.

This Static’s Growing Faster,
Fuck Your Happily Ever After.
This Place Ruins Lives,
I’m Tired Of Walking Around Dead Inside.

Yeah I Can’t Hear Out My Ears Anymore.
Open The Door So I Can Get Out.

I Can’t Wait For Long.
I Can’t Wait To Be Gone

Failure Is My Only Line of Employment (WIP)

You Tell Me I’m Gorgeous.
But I Look in The Mirror
And See The Skeletons in My Closet.

I Can’t Breathe, It’s All Around Me.
Can You Hand That To Me?
I Never Wanna Come Down.

Can You Please?
Help Me?
I Just Don’t Wanna See Reality.

Can You Hear Them Calling?
I DON'T
Because I Don't Wanna Feel.


Hold This, Tightly As I Lose My SIGHT.
It’s Worth This Feeling, This Feeling of Euphoria,
It is, so WONDERFUL

You Tell Me I’m Gorgeous.
But I Look in The Mirror
And See The Skeletons in My Closet.

I Can’t Breathe, It’s All Around Me.
As You Can See.
NEVER COME DOWN

Light Up This City

I see this town,
can we burn it, can we burn it?
I see this town.
Let’s burn it to the ground.

Grab You’re Gasoline
We Can Pour it In The Streets,
Stabbing all our enemies,
Can You Hear The Screams?

We see this wreckage place.
That we feel disgraced to live in.
We turn our eyes to the stars.

Light Up This City.
Can you hear them running?
They’re Time Is Coming.
We’re in Our Own little world.

Light Up This City.
Watch The Fire Lick Up The Buildings
AS OUR SHADOWS DANCE WITH THE FLAMES

I see this town,
can we burn it, can we burn it?
I see this town.
Let’s burn it to the ground.


People Wandering The Streets,
In Fear Of What We Could Be.
I say fuck it and light the match.
They don’t need mercy.

We see this wreckage place.
That we feel disgraced to live in.
We turn our eyes to the stars

Light Up This City.
Can you hear them running?
They’re Time Is Coming.
We’re in Our Own little world.

Light Up This City.
Watch The Fire Lick Up The Buildings
AS OUR SHADOWS DANCE WITH THE FLAMES


WE SAY FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE
WE SAY FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE

(then at the same time)

LETS WATCH THIS CITY, BURN
LIGHT IT UP

Who Is John Galt?

Gravity is Losing Me,
Just Like This,
Sea of Lies I Swim Through.
Missing You It's Worth A Thousand Strides,
With You Is Worth this Life,

Holding On To What I Feel..

Who Are You?
Who Are You I'm Searching For?
Who Are You I Love So Much Now.
Have I Just Lost My Mind?
Trying To Find, Love This Time..

Stay Awake,
So They Wont get Me
When I Sleep, They Steal My Memories
Darling It Gets Better,
Whether or Not, I Find You
Depends On This.

Holding On To What I Feel..

Who Are You?
Who Are You I'm Searching For?
Who Are You I Love So Much Now.
Have I Just Lost My Mind?
Trying To Find, Love This Time..

Boringggggg.

So School Today, Was A Bore, I toook atleast 5 tests in my nine classes. and I'm pretty happy on my performance on all of them, History, Computer App, American Pop were a breeze, I'm just hoping my English test was okay. I passed out on the bus, to be woken up by my brother, brokencyde blasting in my ears, How did i pull that off? Same way i pull off sleeping when my english teacher is screaming at me ahahaha.

Hmm, Hope I Can Go Out Tonite? It's the weekend and i cleaned my room, and the bathroom and did the laundry and dishes, just so my mom wouldn't be a super bitch. I need to get fucked up, i've been pissy allll weeekkk.

Music Today?
Eyes Set To Kill - Reach
Asher Roth - The Greenhouse Effect Vol.1 and Asleep in The Bread Aisle
Crystal Castles
Bob Marley

Talking to kara? Yes, but i can't help to feel a little bit jealous of people, i mean I'm jealous of you moon, tonight you get to see her.

lovelovelove
Jakob.

We are slayed.... THE PARTY IS DEAD

Turn This Clock Backward.
And Forget This Ever Happened.
Watch these Colors Blend.
The World is Upside Down. x2

Crush the Line,
It's time to forget about
what may ail me.
What you can't see.
Breaking Apart Inside.

Tearing Through.

Oh, This Feeling is so intangible,
Can You Repeat it For Me?
Can You Repeat It For Me?
Oh, Reality is Gripping on Me
Can I Stay in a Fantasy?
I'm tired of Suffering.!

Come, Make The Drop
In Secret.
I Can't Do Facial Ques
So Come Inside,
I'll Pay You Extra,
Cause You Hook Me Up

There is such a bitter taste in my mouth,
I would have it anyway else, than this
I Just Don't want to care.
I'm choking from the smoking.
My vision is gone, gone, gone.

Oh, This Feeling is so intangible,
Can You Repeat it For Me?
Can You Repeat It For Me?
Oh, Reality is Gripping on Me
Can I Stay in a Fantasy?
I'm tired of Suffering.!

Hand Me The Pipe
I want to breathe in my new life
Lose Control of Myself at The Toll Gate

I'm Not Overly Concerned...

Hey There Kiddies, What's going On?
Nothing Much? Me Neither, My Blog Has Almost Become A Halt, and My Other One Is Like Non-Existent, so i thought Damn Let's Do Some Talking.

All Spring Break, I Was On A Boat (FUCK TREES I CLIMB BOUEYS MOTHAFUCKA) well more correctly a Disney Cruise, which was probably one of the best things i've ever been to in my life (other than shows) I met the most amazing people and had a great time, but it reminded me when i had to come back here and i seriously don't like being back home, i wanna be somewhere else (in perticular Michigan) but like all that's around here is Drama, Drama, Drama, and Pain and Heartbreaks and Drugs and Dissapiontment and I hate it, people are all out for themselves, and even though i'm not included in alot of it i hafta watch my friends go through it and it pisses me off because i care about all of them and seriously i can't wait for another bottle to pass into my hand so i don't hafta worry.

I want my love to be around here soon, Kara Nicole Markee, is like my dream girl, not gonna lie at all, she is perfect to me and i'm tired of watching ever other couple be all over each other in my school when i was i had that terribly.

How many tests do i have tommorrow? History? Alg2? Science? Fucking A Mate, (Damn, I Miss Ben, stupid Brit) Well Alright (ROY RODER I MISS YOU) I Guess that i should go smoke this cigarette so my head will stop hurting.

Listening: Anna Begins Cover - Craig Owens
Watching: ENDGAME - Alex Jones (World Conspiricy Theory)

Hmmm. Happiness?

other than that being the new dance gavin dance album, i'm pretty fucking happy right now, drama is at an all time low, my friends are wonderful (new and old) this girl is amazing and i'm making new music.

Jesus, It's Been Forever.

Jeez, I Miss The Disney Cruise.

So Children, It's Been Forever, and I apologize deeply for the inconveince, but no one reads this blog anyways, it's my only private getaway spot. Well, I Can't describe how amazing the cruise was, i met some amazing people, i'll just name them striaght up.

Ben (Benard) Maudsley, best britsh chap i've ever met, i fucking love him.
Kara Markee, I love you darling, and i can't wait to see you again, you are like my perfection in a girl, not gonna lie.
Roy Roder, WELL ALRIGHT, i miss you buddy, all 6'5 320 pounds of you.
Giselle Dist, You my darling are beautiful and i miss you terribly.
Anna Thorner, you and your permastonedness, i miss you too.
John McCarthy, buddy i would go to minnisota and see you,
and much more but those are some stand outs.

I realized how much my friends back here mean to me as well and how much i missed them, you guys are wonderful and i wouldn't give anything to leave you, I decided i'm not going to be promisuous anymore because seriously, it's not worth it the lifestyle i was living, but same as the same i hate drama as well. I found a girl, even though she lives far away, they way i feel around her is just amazing.

I'm jamming lydia, who is in fact my favorite band (dance gavin dance is up there in second) (and anthony green is my favorite artist ever) which reminds me of show updates,
4/20- Alesana, Drop Dead Gorgeous, ISMFOF ( I hate them so much) Fear Before
4/30 - LYDIA
5/4 - DANCE GAVIN DANCE, A Skylit Drive, ATTACK ATTACK!

I'm not sure about the alesana show, but the second two are musts, two of my favs ion a 5 day period? fucking righteous? yes? yes? hahahahahha

Isn't She Gorgeous?! ^^^^

Kara Markee is my fucking hero and i'm gonna marry her loserass.

i love you darling hahhaha


Listening - Illuminate - Lydia
Watching - Stranger Than Fiction (Will Ferrel)
Reading - Nothing Currently Help Me?